Oh, how you yearned for their unrestrained chuckles -- their sparkling smiles -- to be transformed into naught but a cacophony of wailing and ceaseless misery. What gave them the right? Was it their fancy PCs, Macs and Xbox 360s? Did they so enjoy coasting down The Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness on their technological toboggans that they couldn't even cast a single glance towards you, sitting atop a lonely and immobile PlayStation 3? Well, when the snow falls again this Winter, revenge will be yours.

Also, Trophies! Posting on the official PlayStation Blog (they let anybody on there these days), Hothead producer Joel DeYoung confirmed that the first episode of Penny Arcade Adventures would arrive on PSN before the end of the year, complete with Trophy support and 1080p resolution. "Looking back, I think it's a shame that we weren't able to release the PS3 version closer to the initial launch of the game," he said.

With the game's engine now up and running on the hardware, DeYoung expects that future episodes will arrive on Sony's platform in a more timely fashion. No more being left out in the cold, our monolithic friend.

Those looking to help iron out the kinks in Sony's silicon-powered social gathering space, PlayStation Home, can now add Hong Kong, Singapore and Taiwan as valid entry locations for the program's closed beta. Sony's Hong Kong site (via Edge) is already asking readers to check back on August 29th for information on the test, which is expected to begin in mid-September.

Edge also notes that an open beta will commence this Fall, coinciding with similar events in Europe and the US. The more the merrier we say ... even if everybody in the virtual room is just whining about how a plain ol' menu would suffice.

In an interview with Edge, Pan's Labyrinth and Hellboy director Guillermo del Toro establishes two very interesting facts:

1. del Toro, who has been enamored with gaming's charming beeps and boops since the days of Pong, lavishes a considerable amount of praise on Sony's Team ICO. "There are only two games I consider masterpieces," he says. "Ico and Shadow of the Colossus."
2. The popular filmmaker has excellent taste in games.

Those are far from the only titles he appreciates, however, as he tells Edge that he "absolutely loved BioShock." In addition, he approves of Resident Evil, Devil May Cry and Silent Hill, which he likens in particular to a "Lynch, Polanski or Romero type of horror experience." It seems our only point of disagreement can be found in his "happy" working experience with Konami's Hellboy: The Science of Evil. Nobody's perfect, eh?

[Via PS3 Fanboy]

Nintendo has politely informed GamesIndustry.biz that claims of a new DS -- one equipped with twice as many touch screens -- fall under the nebulous and frenziedly debated category of "rumors and speculation." The story initially originated on Kotaku, which suggested that the new DS model would not be announced until early next year. More likely, you can expect to hear about it the day after Nintendo UK's David Yarnton pretends he's never heard of it.

When it comes to the titanic struggle between corporate giants Activision Blizzard and EA, it seems there's just enough room in this town for the both of them. According to a Screen Digest report (via Gamasutra), the two publishers are responsible for a whopping 75% of console game releases in the West for the period between July and September. Collectively, they will publish 40% of console games during 2008's second half.

In the third quarter specifically, EA is the busiest publisher with "around" 21 games, which Screen Digest's Ed Barton suggests is largely comprised of EA's "extensive range of annual sports games." Actiblizzard, on the other money-grubbing hand, manages to push out 19 games in the same span of time. "While most publishers appear to ramp up release volume in the key Christmas quarter," notes Barton, "EA and Activision Blizzard appear to be ramping up release volumes to similar levels in both calendar Q3 and Q4."

We haven't yet decided how to break this news to our wallet. It's still waking up screaming in the middle of the night, haunted by the nightmare of Holiday 2007.

And he's not just saying that to make up for years of financial inequity and utterly perverse release schedules. "First, our money - the pound or the euro - is very strong and because of that the turnover from those countries is heavier than they used to be," Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot tells GamesIndustry.biz. "So for Ubisoft turnover Europe is actually more important than the US now, and by more than 5 per cent. It's become a very strong market for us."

Guillemot suspects that's largely to blame on all the exercise Europeans have been getting with new accessories and more accessible games, the likes of which even include politically charged real-time strategy scuffle Tom Clancy's EndWar. "A game like EndWar, for example, which you can control by voice - it's totally changing the industry because it gives you the opportunity to command what's happening, and to have a quick answer to the orders you give."

While Ubi and Yu-rop laugh all the way to the bank, remind yourself that EndWar totally changes the industry on October 14th on PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360.

The organizers for next year's Cologne-based Gamescom event want you to know that their show will be the 'new European games platform for the international games community." Taking place from September 9th to September 13th, 2009, Gamescom has thrown down the gauntlet and cast a demeaning glare towards the recently concluded (and returning) Leipzig Games Convention.

"It was to be expected that the Leipzig trade fair would try to keep the topic in its 2009 programme as well by announcing its date," said Oliver P. Kuhrt, managing director of Gamescom organiser Koelnmesse. "But they will have to do it without the industry for the most part. The lead trade fair will take place in Cologne in 2009 and beyond." Despite posting improved attendance numbers this year, Kuhrt is adamant that it's time to move 'zig down from its biggest-show-in-town status. "Whatever happens in Germany in 2009 outside of Cologne cannot claim to represent this sector."

It figures that the organizers of a trade show would exhibit such a fine "Oh snap," but we think it best to wait and see if the Cologne show offers up something to sniff at.

We love it when games like Soul Calibur IV challenge us to add a personal touch to our favorite pastime, whether it be in creating our own fighters or stitching together a brand new level. But if there's anything this bounty of creative tools and user-generated content has shown us, it's that people aren't very original. When they're done recreating all of Nintendo's intellectual properties, they'll likely start copying, editing and spreading all of your creations too. They must be stopped!

Thankfully, the PlayStation 3's impossibly cute platformer, LittleBigPlanet, will feature its own "copyright" system for user-generated items. "You can basically dictate the distribution rights on any object you create," Media Molecule's Alex Evans tells Eurogamer. "If you put something in your level as a collectable item, people can collect it. People can control who comes into the level, both by how hard it is and by giving away keys, but you can also choose whether to copyright that object."

Items sans copyright can be modified and shared with wild abandon (perfect for the inevitable penises!), while those cherished by the creator must be collected and remain within the confines of the user's level. Which is probably just a recreation of Super Mario Bros. World 1-1 anyway.

That's right! As Vin Diesel so eloquently points out, he's a wheelman, not an assassin. Of course, this dramatic scene takes place just after he's mowed down countless bad guys and destroyed half the city in a dramatic and collision-filled car chase. It's all a bit frantic, frankly, but at least we have The Wheelman's lead mission designer, Mark Thompson, to guide us through the broken glass and mangled metal. Don't forget to check out fresh screenshots in the gallery below!

Oh, those sly PC hardware manufacturers. As if it wasn't bad enough that they keep building better, more powerful rigs every six seconds, id Software's Todd Hollenshead believes they also secretly benefit from software piracy. No stranger to the public flogging of the illicit C:\ scourge, the CEO candidly told GamesIndustry.biz that manufacturers typically "line up on the wrong side of the argument."

"They have lots of reasons as to why they do that," he said, "but I think that there's been this dirty little secret among hardware manufacturers, which is that the perception of free content - even if you're supposed to pay for it on PCs - is some sort hidden benefit that you get when you buy a PC, like a right to download music for free or a right to download pirated movies and games." Hollenshead believes that this is what motivates manufacturers to stick up for the law-abiding minority when it comes to issues like peer-to-peer sharing.

"I think that if you went in and could see what's going on in their minds, though they may never say that stuff and I'm not saying there's some conspiracy or something like that - but I think the thing is they realise that trading content, copyrighted or not, is an expected benefit of owning a computer." Heck, the only reason we got one was to steal quotes from Tom Bramwell's interviews.

For a game featuring futuristic and unfeasibly fast vehicles, Wipeout HD is taking an awful lot of time to make it across the "finished" line. The last release window we received was a somewhat vague "coming soon," which is why we're pleased that SCEA producer Daimion Pinnock has hurled a brick through it, along with an attached note promising a slightly more specific Fall release date.

Despite becoming victim to technical foibles and rumored audio-visual assaults, Wipeout HD still looks to be a fully featured return to form for the beloved hoverfest. The PSN-exclusive game will not only boast the usual 1080p/60fps visuals, but a two-player splitscreen mode, Trophy support, 8-player online play, optional (the best kind!) SIXAXIS support, Dolby 5.1 surround sound and in-game custom soundtrack support.

Gosh, now we've made him sound like a kidnapper. Jake Power -- who we imagine to be Jack Bauer for kids and hard-of-hearing adults -- is a new brand of games for the Nintendo DS. Fitting neatly into Ubisoft's "Games for Everyone" range, the titles have been created for "boys ages five to eight years" and promise to indulge the men-in-progress with three "dream jobs," namely "Policeman," "Fire-Fighter" and "Handyman."

Wait a minute ... Handyman? Seriously, Ubisoft, this is 2008. We all know every young boy dreams of being a totally awesome, professional blogger one day! Who wouldn't want to sit around in their underwear, caressing nothing but a keyboard and a small tuft of distinguishing chin hair? Who wouldn't want to churn out snarky video game commentary, even if it comes at the expense of any tangible human connections? So what if there's no money or meaningful reward in it? It's not like you're throwing your life into a bottomless pit of aggressive anti-socialism and repetitive self-deprecating humor ... Just leave us alone, okay?!

Also, the Jake (and Sam and Tim) Power Fire-Fighter and Policeman games are due in North America in November 2008, with Handyman (freakin' Handyman!) following in early 2009.

We feel terribly sorry for the first man to come waltzing down the stairs in this video. No doubt venturing into the kitchen for an early morning snack, he's suddenly confronted by two gun-toting interlopers. "Rubber bullet!" he screams, in the unrequited hope that the firearms pointed at him will spare his life. A moment later, he's shot by both. Simultaneously. Oh, who knew that co-op could be so cruel?

Find the other perspective on the action after the break.

Let's put a smile on that face by checking out Midway's latest batch of Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe screenshots, rife with cross-dimensional brawling and enough continuity issues to drive fanboys round the bend. While you enjoy the sight of The Joker blasting Scorpion right out of the Batcave or the Green Lantern putting the squeeze on Shang Tsung, we'll frantically attempt to figure out how Ed Boon managed to steal all our closeted fan fictions.

If these guys don't pummel your fancy, Midway has also informed us that series stalwarts Raiden and Kano will join the game's kombatants, along with the DC universe's Wonder Woman and Deathstoke.

Well, consider us intrigued. From the creators of Indigo Prophecy (aka Fahrenheit) comes Heavy Rain, an atmospheric new adventure exclusively for the PlayStation 3. This in-game footage, first unveiled at Leipzig's Games Convention, depicts our finely rendered female protagonist investigating a distinctly unsettling house. Be sure to keep watching until the stunning scene at the end, where she bursts out the door and screams to the heavens, "Gotcha, suckas!"

We're sure to learn much, much more as we draw closer to Heavy Rain's forecast 2009 release.